Saturday, March 27, 2010

Lovin' Every Minute Of It: Warning, Adult-Friendly Post

10 Reasons I'm Glad To Be A Single Mama, In No Particular Order:

1. No bed hogs. Okay, so I guess I'm the bed & blanket hog but still, there's no one complaining about it- and who wouldn't love having a big queen size bed to herself?

2. I'm free to educate my daughter any way I so choose. The only limit is my imagination. If I want to teach that Pluto is still a planet there's no one to tell me I'm wrong. ( & Pluto is a planet drnit, I don't care what the educated Harvard degree scientists say! =p)

3. Freedom to choose... choose to oogle any male buttocks that comes my way if I want. There's no one to get jealous, no feelings to slight, and hey, a little peek never hurt anyone, right?

4. The dishwasher is always full when it's run & the dishes are exactly where they belong. Maybe it's a little thing but my dishwasher is touchy like an adolescent drama queen. Everything has to be exactly where she (I) says or the dishes are still dirty when it's done. We all know how good guys are at paying attention to things like this. Maybe 4 should really read- "No arguments over the correct placement of dishes."

5. No holiday gift disappointment. We've all had it happen, that forgotten birthday or anniversary. Well, when you don't have a guy you don't have any hopes &/or expectations to shatter. I find that I have better holidays when single, especially Father's Day. Just call me Daddy Satsuki. ^^

6. No horror films. I'm wondering if I should go back and caps lock this one. You have no idea how much I hate horror movies. Even scenes from the bad B movie ones haunt me for years. No joke, sometimes I jump a little inside when Am walks into my room at night, waking me from sleep. I half-expect I'll walk over to innocently give her hug & put her back in bed only to find some crazy demon-possession going on. The ONLY reason I ever watch these movies is because of a man, proving yet again that men are the root of all evil & fears.

I kid, I kid- It's only 90% of men.

The other 10% are gay.

7. Happy fun bedroom time. Let's be honest, we're all thinkin' it. Most men have more ego than they do skill.

Cost of satisfying toy: $10.
Cost of not having to drop "subtle" hints &/or fake it: Priceless.

8. No need to drag anyone along to family events. When it's just you and your babe you're free to enjoy that easter egg hunt without checking to see if your other adult half is having a good time. In fact, let's just expand this point to say "More quality time with the -actual- important people in our lives."

9. I can cook whatever I like. So, I hear Billy Bob doesn't like tuna? Well, cool cuz I'm not cooking for him! I'm free to make whatever the heck I like whenever the heck I want to eat it. The only picky eater I'm indulging is mah babe and a PB & J only takes a few min to make anyways.

10. Better Wellbeing. Let's face it, when we're not being dragged up and down, side to side, doing loops de friggin' loops on the rollercoaster of love we might find life isn't all that bad. At least it's not better or worse than it really is. However when you've got a guy causing trouble that midterm or interview tomorrow might seem insurmountable, just one more thing on your overflowing plate. A guy having issues is like a boatload of gravy. Your meal might be pretty well-balanced before but dump that sauce on it and pretty soon the whole thing is just a soggy inedible mess. I prefer my food lightly seasoned thankyouverymuch.

Easiest way to tell if a man is right for you- Do you feel like a burden is lifted the moment it's over?

If so just take a breath

& Be glad you're a single mom!

-SR ^^

1 comment:

  1. Dear Crystal:)
    I am your swap partner for the Share the Love Heart Swap! You have a lovely blog:) Thanks so much for taking part:)